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Do I Have to Tell the Truth in a Memoir?

truth

Do I Have to Tell the Truth in a Memoir?

Depends what you mean by truth.

Yes for the major events in your life. Really, isn’t this the time to tell your eldest that he really wasn’t born three months premature? If you don’t tell the truth about the big things, why bother calling it a memoir?

No for the small stuff. You cannot possibly remember every detail of your life so you may have to include what was likely or expected to make the narrative flow.

Yes for the emotional truth. I will have another post on this as it is an ability all writers need to develop but I want to focus on how it applies to memoirs.

An example of emotional truth in memoirs

Say you want to record how you recovered and thrived after your divorce. But you need to deal with the betrayal which prompted it.

One way you could do this is:

Larry seemed anxious that evening but things had gotten to the point that I didn’t care enough to ask. He came into the living room after dinner.

He just stood there. He cleared his throat. I looked up.

“…you know that things aren’t working out between us.”

“And whose fault is that?”

He waved a hand and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight any more. I want a divorce.”

“What!”

He didn’t look up. “I’ve found someone else.”

“What! You bastard! Who is it? I bet it’s that Rachel. She’s been all over you since she and Amir moved here.”

“No, not Rachel. Amir.”

So, this is fine as far as it goes. And although there is the emotional honesty of simply writing down the event, you also need to include the shock, tears, anger, and disbelief you felt and continued to feel for the months following. How did it affect you? Did it make you question what was real or who you were? Did you wonder whether you were a true woman if you married a gay man?

Public versus private face

I know that this is tough to do. And that it asks you to go deeper than you perhaps had originally anticipated.

But people already know your public face—the one you turn to the world. Everything is fine. Yes, my daughter is great. No, I’m okay financially. Never worry about getting old. Don’t wonder how to cope without a spouse.

Your public face, while safe and comfortable, is less compelling than letting the reader see the true you. The private face of the human being with her doubts, fears and triumphs.

Write from your private space. At least for the first draft. Once you have a complete manuscript, then decide whether or what you want to alter. The range can be from publication to nobody ever seeing it and all stops in-between.

The truth of remembrance

While I’m here, so to speak, just a word about how you handle the early days of your life. Obviously, you know what is coming in later years but beginnings larded with Little did I know, As I found out later, He was all charm then, can get tiresome and more importantly, doesn’t present those days as you truly experienced them, untainted with the knowledge of future events and without regret and revenge. Let the reader take the journey with you rather than throwing out constant bits of foreshadowing of the traumas to come.

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Dealing with Writer’s Block

Dealing with Writer’s Block

First rule: Relax. Everybody goes through this. Although everybody thinks they know what writer’s block is, it might be helpful to review its pernicious forms.

Forms of writer’s block

Can’t put anything on the page. This is the classic one. You sit down at the laptop and all you’ve got, or are getting, is a blank screen.

Everything you write is junk. In this case, you can write but you are convinced not a single word is worth the bytes needed to create it. It is DELETE FILE territory (by the way, don’t do that—at least until you’ve read the rest of the post).

You know you are unfitted by talent, temperament, or inclination to write. This is the worst because, if you reach this point, it doesn’t even feel like writer’s block—it just feels like a self-evident principle of the world.

But honestly, they are all forms of writer’s block.

But what if it’s true that I can’t write?

I think most people can write creatively at some level if they put the energy into it. Will they be world-famous novelists? Don’t know.

However, writing creatively is, of course, partly about imagination, but also about observation and mastery of the craft. I don’t know whether it is possible to train up creativity, but I know that it’s not only possible to hone observation and craft skills, but necessary to create a good piece of writing.

So why don’t you give yourself the benefit of the doubt and work on your craft and observation abilities? Somewhere along the line, the ideas will come.

Ways to deal with writer’s block

Put the piece away for a while. Sometimes, you need to just walk away for a bit. Literally take a walk or do something else which occupies you in a different way. You might need to stow it for a couple of days or even weeks. But don’t let it be too long—otherwise, your writer’s block is running the show.

Write drivel. There is a school of thought which suggests that you just put your fingers on the keyboard and type anything. And it does work. It can often kickstart you back to your piece.

Of course, there is a danger. I discovered a clever way (well, I thought it was clever) to still avoid writing. This the drivel I’ve been talking about—basically writing about writing to avoid writing. Example: I love the way that the novel I just read unfolded. It was a total surprise at the end. See what I mean—you’re writing but not anything related to your project.

Start your engines, please, gentlemen. When I am stuck, I literally write this, followed by It’s 10:17. I will write for 30 minutes. No stopping, no games until 10:47. Doesn’t have to be 30 minutes, can be five. The point is that you spend the allotted time making progress on your idea. Can’t stop and can’t wander off during that time.

Last rule: Relax. Really, don’t get tied into knots about this. It is the ebb and flow of a writer’s life. Sometimes, it will come flowing through you and sometimes you are Sisyphus rolling that rock up the hill forever.

Just keep writing.

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The Muse and the Piano Tuner

Muse

The Muse and the Piano Tuner

I learned a lot about the writing muse from a piano tuner.

After half an hour of plucking strings, the piano tuner called to me. “Okay, I’m done.” He rippled through some swing tune, no sheet music of course.

“Wow, you’re good! Do you play professionally?”

He shrugged. “I’m in a band.” As he stuck his tools into his satchel, “You a writer?”

I raised my eyebrows. “How did you know?”

He pointed to the book face down on the piano. “This is you, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Crummy picture.”

“So, you write full time?”

“Not full-time. As much as I can.”

He asked, almost shyly, as if it might be too personal. “Do you have to wait until you’re in the mood to write?”

I shrugged. “Well, no. If I waited, I don’t think I’d ever do it.”

Suddenly, his face cleared. “Oh, yeah, I get it. It’s like when you have a gig. Doesn’t matter whether you want to play or not. You just show up and play.”

Show up and play and the Muse might too

Show up and play. I know there’s a lot of stuff writers believe about waiting for the Muse to strike. Or I suppose ‘visit’ would be a better word for such a sought-after commodity.

With hand to head, they vow they can’t write a word unless inspired by some external force. And thus have a perfect reason not to, because that Muse, she’s not much into house calls.

However, many famous authors didn’t seem to wait. Tolstoy said, “I must write each day without fail, not so much for the success of the work, as in order not to get out of my routine.” Victor Hugo wrote from dawn to 11:00 every day. Agatha Christie saw writing as a job.

They discovered what all writers, I believe, need to understand. The Muse isn’t going to show up until you do. It’s like Moses and the parting of the Red Sea. As a friend much more learned than me pointed out, the real learning from that story is that Moses and the Israelites had to start wading into the Red Sea before God parted it. That is, they had to show their commitment and faith before God would step in.

As the piano tuner said, you need to show up and play. It is when you are actively engaged in writing that the Muse or whatever the magic consists of, can show up. So, don’t wait for It to strike. Invite It in.

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Fixing Conversation with As-You-Know-Bobs

conversation

Fixing Conversation with As-You-Know-Bobs

The seduction of a conversation with As-You-Know-Bobs

In a previous post, I talked about As-You-Know-Bobs—information which the characters already know but the reader doesn’t. A short-cut but not very effective way to inform the reader is to use an As you know, Bob, my life was shattered by the recent death of my grandmother.

They’re easy, efficient, and let you get onto more interesting bits of the story.

And sometimes, they’re even OK to use. If the point is unimportant to the main plot and not worth spending a lot of time on, you can get away with an AYKB. However, the example in the previous paragraph demonstrates where you probably shouldn’t use one because it’s hard to believe that this isn’t going to figure in the plot line (otherwise, why bring it up at all?).

Identifying when you are falling into As-You-Know-Bobs

It can be quite subtle. Here are some times when you might be tempted:

  • Establishing info. You want to give background on a character. If the character is major, a couple of short flashbacks or a conversation of the ramifications of the background on the present situation might work better.
  • You need to remind the reader of an earlier event. Remembering readers will not necessarily read your work in one go, it is often helpful to remind them of a past event which is the basis for the present action. A character not at the previous event could be informed by one who was. Or a one liner by the protagonist (Drat, those Munchkins again) might be enough.
  • ‘Tell’ in disguise. Dan says to Bob: “Remember our treks into the hinterland when we were younger? I know that your wife Marj never liked you going on them. But they were great fun, weren’t they? I’ve never felt so free.”

You get across a lot of information in a telescoped format. Again, if it’s unimportant, might be okay (although I’d lose the ‘your wife’—that’s an AKYB within an AKYB). Otherwise, a flashback or a more back-and-forth dialog between the characters could bring out the information more naturally.

  • Want to move onto a more interesting bit in the narrative. You know where you want to go in this scene and are eager to get to it but have to establish some point first. There is an excellent possibility that this is an AYKB in the making. Again, if the point is small, no prob. But if it’s big (AYKB, I was assaulted on this mountain and never wanted to come back), stifle your urge to get through this bit quickly to get onto the character dealing with the aftermath of this trauma.

How to avoid As-You-Know-Bobs

Two suggestions, one practical and one a bit airy-fairy. But the airy-fairy one is the better, I think.

Slow down. Remember, the intent is not for you or your reader to get to the end in record time. The intent is to create a fully realized world where the characters act naturally and credibly.

Get into the character’s head space. You are probably already writing from the protagonist’s point of view but I’m suggesting a little more. If you can immerse yourself in that character so that you see the world through her eyes, it’s much harder to commit AYK-B. In her head space, you don’t fall prey to the temptations outlined above. You wouldn’t tell Bob things you know he already knows but would take them as givens and move on from there.

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As You Know, Bob—Cheating with Dialog

As You Know, Bob—Cheating with Dialog

I didn’t come up with this term about dialog so I thank whoever in my distant past introduced me to the concept.

What is an As-you-know-Bob? Sometimes, they’re easy to spot. As you know, Bob, I’m short and plump or As you know, Bob, I’m carrying a mysterious package. These are obvious and silly but they can slip into dialog in other ways.

As you know, Bob, my brother and I have not spoken for forty years and this is my attempt at reconciliation.

OR

As you know, Bob, my daughter is really beautiful and attracts all kinds of unwanted attention.

Would this happen in real life? Wouldn’t you get Well, of course I know—why are you telling me again? The characters in your narrative should be no less sharp.

What’s so bad about dialog which is As-you-know-Bob?

Well, as sins of the world go, it’s not right up there. There are more egregious items just in the writing sphere.

Still, it’s a bit of a cheat. It is an economical but not effective way to communicate information the reader needs (e.g. relationship to main protagonist, history of the divorce) by pretending to remind Bob even though he already knows it. Otherwise, why say As you know?.

Avoiding As-you-know-Bobs

Let’s take the two examples from above and redo them to avoid the A-Y-K,B.

You: My brother called last night.
Bob: Really? How long has it been?
You: God, maybe going on forty years.
Bob: What did he want?
You: Trying to get back in my good graces, I guess.
Bob: So, what are you gonna do?
You: I dunno. Maybe try to meet him half-way.

Here, Bob knows the situation and can ask intelligent questions which the reader wants to know also. You can move the story forward without telescoping everything into an A-Y-K,B.

Second example.

You: I’m pissed.
Bob: What?
You: That jerk Dan keeps calling Jenny.
Bob: You don’t like him?
You: He’s just another one after her for her looks.
Bob: There’ve been a few like that, haven’t there?

Generally speaking, a more vivid way to portray a situation is to use a specific example from which the general conclusion can be drawn. You are pissed about Dan not just about young men in general. Avoiding an A-Y-K,B allows you to put more meat on the fictional bones.

Doesn’t this take longer?

Yes, and what’s your point? Again, the aim is not to get your reader to the end of your piece in record time, but to engage her in what feels like a real world.

As you know, Bob, this is what you want to do. The next post will walk you through identifying and fixing A-Y-K-Bs in your writing.